Wednesday, May 07, 2008

Iron Mang

I have contributed twice now to the Opening-Weekend-Please-Marvel-Make-More-Movies-Like-This extravaganza. Awesome movies deserve recognition, and this is such a gem. See it if you haven’t, my 3 faithless readers. Stay after the credits, the cigarette will that much sweeter after the hot cameo action.

I tend to get a bit too excited when certain movies come out. The cast, the director, the screenwriter, they all come together as some multi-faceted movie masterpiece, or at least I think it will be.

This can be very dangerous.

If Iron Man had sucked on the scale of say, The Hulk, I would have been devastated. It would also have been yet another crushing blow to the burgeoning comic book movie market. The Law of Stupid Movie Goers states that “if you make it, they will come,” and it does not matter how bad, as long as there are enough explosions. But people aren’t all that stupid and they won’t get fooled multiple times. This causes a the Law of Diminishing Returns, one the movie producers pay close attention to. If the sequels keep sucking, and make less and less money, they will actually stop fucking the corpse of the current intellectual property and go find another corpse to defile. (see Batman)

This was such a tremendous achievement for Marvel, they actually announced their plans for World Domination yesterday. Actually, they just announced the comic adaptations in the pipeline at the time, but they’ve pretty much mapped out the next three years of soon to be comic book blockbusters. (Link to M&C rather than the actual Variety article because their site was being retarded)

Here’s hoping that Marvel rides this wave of good fan juju all the way to 2011 with the Avengers movie. If its bad, I will find their Chairman Emeritus Stan Lee, and punch him in the dick. Better yet, Avi Arad, his name seems to be attached to all of the properties, good and bad.

Realistically, all they have to do to make a good Avengers movie is do it like this. That book is so damn cinematic, it makes my teeth hurt. And I think they’re at least giving a nod in that direction with their choice of S.H.I.E.L.D head honcho. Who does this look like to you? Ring any bells, Motha**er?

Hint: Nick Fury was an old white dude in the original Avengers.

I hope they speak English in What.

Lest we forget the Marvel failures: Ghost Rider, Daredevil, The Hulk, Fantastic Four (BOTH of them)

I’m looking at you Avi.

No comments: